This is the story of how I tried Gatorade Recover, "strawberry kiwi" flavor.  In short, this is the worst liquid I have ever had the unfortunate experience of drinking.  If you feel like you need to know more, read on.

So what is Gatorade Recover?  Good question.  Like most people, I have been seeing a lot of commercials for the "G Series" of Gatorade products lately.  The Gatorade website says:

"Gatorade Recover is the first protein recovery beverage with the consistency and great taste people expect from Gatorade."

It's not a protein shake, because it supposedly has the consistency/viscosity of regular Gatorade, and "great taste."

Hmm...

So, yesterday I was a a Red Bulls MLS game, in what I like to call the hooligan section.  Basically, you stand up, yell, and wave flags for 90 minutes straight.  It was over 90 degrees yesterday, so when the game was over it felt more like I had been playing soccer than watching it.  I was drenched in sweat, and on the walk back to the train station I bought a 32 oz Powerade and drank the whole thing.

About an hour later when I got  back to my car, I was still amazingly thirsty.  So I stopped by another convenience store and saw the Gatorade Recover.  I thought, well, my whole body aches, I'm tired, why not try this.

It was $3 for 16 oz. 

Seemingly, this would be a good reason not to try it, but the commercials had me very intrigued so I bought it anyway.  It was strawberry kiwi, and generally I love strawberry kiwi flavored drinks.

Bad decision.

At first, I started to drink it very fast, because I was very thirsty.  I had to stop, because I quickly realized that this was not the same consistency of regular Gatorade and it caught me off guard.  While it was not as thick as a shake, it was noticeably thicker than regular Gatorade.

Stopping was another bad decision.

While drinking it, I couldn't taste it, it just felt cold.  As soon as I stopped, the horrible, gut wrenching, near-vomit-inducing flavor set in.  The flavor is hard to describe in any other terms than "horrible."

At this point you might be thinking, "oh, this guy just doesn't like protein drinks."  Wrong.  I have had several different types of protein shakes, and I've liked them all.  This Gatorade on the other hand is literally the worst drink I have ever had in my life.  This is saying something, as I have had many bad drinks.  I had something one time called "Tamarind Juice" which was completely disgusting.  I've had "Dandelion Drink" and I one time made a mojito with lemons instead of limes to see what is was like, both also terrible.  Still though, they were all better than this.  Much better.

So I'm standing there with this Gatorade Recover in my hand outside the store, in shock that something could be this bad.  I decide to shake it, as maybe the contents is all mixed up with the putrid flavored parts floating to the top for some reason.

Another mistake.

This makes it foamy.  I try to take another sip anyway.  Still terrible.  If anything, it is more terrible.  At this point, I'm still extremely thirsty.  Normally, extreme thirst or hunger makes ANYTHING you are drinking/eating taste amazing.  I can only imagine how horrible this stuff actually tastes if you are not dying of thirst.

I waited a few minutes, and most of the horrible taste had faded, leaving only remnants of strawberry-kiwi flavor.  This was the only moment I could describe which tasted like strawbery kiwi.  I had apparently blocked the horrible actual flavor out of my mind, and decided to try it again.

I nearly vomited.

I just don't understand how any company could taste this, and decide to sell it.  I don't understand how anyone would ever knowingly buy this.  I want to meet the person who thought this tasted good, does he not have a tongue?  Did he have a cold at the time?  Did he accidentally check the "tastes good" box on the form instead of the "tastes like monkey crap" box?

It is absolutely horrible.  There are no redeeming qualities.  There is nothing good.  Actually, I take that back.  The bottle had a pretty cool shape (though it wasn't very comfortable to hold...).

Gatorade Recover tastes like someone crapped into a barrel, fermented it, then distilled out the alcohol and sold the remnants.

Gatorade Recover tastes like someone captured the water leaking from their ceiling and made roof-tea.

I gave someone the bottle to smell, and they asked if it was sealed when I bought it, or if someone had perhaps peed into it as a joke.

No.  It was sealed, and the expiration date was months away.

It's just that bad.

In conclusion, never drink this.  Never buy this.  If you see someone thinking about buying it, don't let them.  Tear the bottle from their hands and throw it away.  If you see this in a store, try telling the store how bad it is and maybe they'll stop selling the stuff so fewer people need to experience this taste.

I'm just trying to figure out what I did to anger the universe so much it felt the need to make me try this.